What if
by Hitokiri Hitensai
Summary: Inu Yasha and Kikyo are given a chance to see what their lives could have been if circumstance had not intervened. Will they accept the chance to erase 50 years of hate or will they stay in the painful reality they are currently trapped in, separated?


**On with the disclaimer**:

I DO NOT OWN INU YASHA. If I did I would ensure the perfection of all characters, but sadly this is not to be cries. So as you can guess none of them are mine but instead belong to Rumiko Takahashi…I say we break into her house and demand better plots! Any body? Somebody? Aw, you guys are pansies. Anyway, I was distressed with the lackage of good IYxKikyo fics out there, so I decided to fix that little problem. NO KAGOME FANS ALLOWED!

* * *

Strong sunlight shone through the thick forest canopy. The foliage making its path chequered, and it struck the trail. I glanced at my hands, the light only made them appear paler. It was hard to accept that they would never hold that human ruddiness or a natural heat. My clay body was no match for the one I had lost half a century ago. 

The birds twittered noisily bringing me out of my reveille. I had just left the village that was had been my "home"-the monk there had gotten too suspicious for my taste. The nomadic nature of my lifestyle wasn't something I enjoyed and I cursed its necessity regularly. All I wanted was a permanent home, _with him_. The thought forced me to shake my head. That could never work, the possibility having been removed by that bastard Naraku long ago.

I halted in my journey and sat beneath an inviting old tree. Waiting for my soul stealers to accomplish their mission, my body was weak from a lack of that brand of nutrition. It was dangerous to travel with them in plain sight so I commonly sent them out in this way, calling them back when I needed to.

There was a shift in the environment. I stood up and slowly scanned the scene in front of me. Nothing had changed, but the sound or specifically the lack of it pointed to the contrary. The forest now uttered no audible noises, no sparrows, no mice, no animals of any kind. There was only my breathing and the rustling of a growing wind.

I looked up at the sky. As I suspected it was turning from bright blue to the purplish black that frequently hung about Naraku's dens. A fog drifted in, leaving no doubt as to the demon's presence.

A figure darted through the trees on my far left approaching with an inhuman speed. Quickly I drew my bow and arrow, aiming at the weaving shadow.

"Who's there?" I demanded, "Abandon this game and show yourself Naraku."

The movement slowed, only a walk now, but still came closer. I held my ground, refusing to let down my guard. The man stepped into the darkened sunlight.

"Inu Yasha." I said before I could control myself. My bow temporarily lowered.

"Kikyo…what're you doing here?" He yelled, breaking into a run. Tightening my grip on the bow, I drew it taught once more.

"Not any closer. You're one of Naraku's illusions. Do I look that stupid?" I didn't want to believe my own words.

"Kikyo…believe me." He pleaded, still moving forward. Inu Yasha's eyes were no longer hard or cruel like they had been when I'd first thwarted his attempts to steal the Shikon jewel. They were warm and shone with a quiet, speech. That solitary expression made both my anger and memory melt. The claws slicing into my shoulder blade no longer burned as much. Our screams of betrayal seemed to fade into the void created by the pure stillness of the moment.

I replaced my bow and arrow, to their respective position. He now stood beside me. He must have been separated from his travelling companions, that girl included. That girl…she brought up a rage in me that overcame my indifference. This imitation of me had usurped my happiness from under my feet. She'd been given all that I'd ever wanted; a productive existence, a promise of a full life, and most of all, Inu Yasha. The thought of her holding him, being near him tore my heart to pieces. If I even had on left. I'd sacrificed everything for him and here I was empty handed, her presence in his life creating a fresh hatred where an old one could have been mended.

Inu Yasha reached out and shook my shoulders almost as if he feared.

"You hurt? What did that bastard do to you?" he asked hurriedly, a genuine concern emanating from his lips. I forced him off.

"I'm fine!" My voice was sharp and stinging, "You don't need to worry about me like that other girl."

His reaction surprised me. Averting his eyes to the ground, his face displayed an emotional slap to the face. He wasn't being obstinant, or defensive, but simply acknowledging my feelings and being, as far as I could tell, remorseful.

"I'll protect you no matter what. Kagome won't change that." His tone was soft.

Pretending I was unmoved by his pain I replied, "Your guilt's the only motivation. Don't think I'm so much of a fool that I can't see that."

"You know that's a lie." His expression shattered my resolve. The unadulterated sadness in his countenance was astounding, speaking the volumes his words fell short of. I felt my body loosen in spite of myself, and stop protesting as he once again reached out for me. He held my hands this time, I'd forgotten how safe it made me feel when he touched me, when he was close to me.

Unfortunately, we were interrupted by the situation coming to its inevitable climax. Dressed in the guise of a monkey, a man materialized from the shadows. The hood was low on his face, but his identity of course remained obvious.

"I'm sorry to intrude," Naraku sneered, "but I must make my point."

Inu Yasha squeezed my hands tighter as he uttered a low growl. His protective instinct was kicking in.

"What the hell do you want with us you bastard?" he shouted harshly, not removing his eyes from the threat in front of us.

"Don't worry; I'm not going to kill anyone. I have an offer for the both of you to consider."

"No deal with you is a good deal." said I. "You only want to toy with our emotions further. Are you frustrated that you can't kill me, Onigumo?" This man had power but scarcely knew how to use it, I snickered underneath my breath. A worthy opponent he was but a predictable one.

The glow of his aura darkened with the anger. Inu Yasha shifted to stand in front of me, still keeping my one hand in his grasp. This childish behaviour annoyed me. Why did he still think I was simply some liability, some poor little helpless girl? I'd proven I could fight him and win. This is why I detested this attitude. I wanted someone to care, not fight for me. Not being able to come to grips with my warring desires before, that time in the forest by the village made my inner conflict clear. Determined to let Inu Yasha see the real me this time at least, I let him defend me.

"Listen for a minute before you make a judgement. I'll give you a sample first."

Naraku's voice echoed through the air as his form slowly melted into the fog.

Inu Yasha turned around and before I could protest pressed me into his arms. His embrace was so firm that it was painful, but I didn't care. All that mattered was that he was here with me, as he used to be. His eyes shifted over the woods waiting to catch a glimpse of what was in store for us.

"I won't let anything happen to you." he said, his attention still directed to the ominous threat.

The danger was not material as we soon discovered. White light began to encircle the forest, closing in on us. Devouring the landscape, everything becoming lost in its intensity. It was far too bright to be any form of natural light, and it had a spiritual energy that distinguished it from anything I had ever experienced.

As soon as Inu Yasha noticed that the light was going to consume us as well, he took me in his arms and leapt into closest tree. I sighed; sometimes I honestly think that the reasonable part of Inu Yasha's mind left him long ago, if he had possessed one at all.

"You know this isn't going to help us." I said, trying to be gentle but not succeeding. We didn't have very much time to discuss another course however; the light had reached the trees beside us. We clutched at eachother in desperation. Then we too were disappeared…

* * *

When I opened my eyes again the tree was gone, and Inu Yasha was kneeling beside me. Attempting to sit up, my head pounded with such a ferocity that I was forced to stay propped up on one elbow. 

"Where are we?" I asked, not really expecting an answer. He just shook his head refusing to redirect his gaze from the door. The house we were in was actually quite a nice one. Fire burned in the grate, and sunlight came through two grass-draped windows. Wood that composed the structure was of a high quality.

A hand shoved back the curtain unexpectedly, and the hanyou leapt at the unknown assailant. All I could do was rise into a kneel on the floor, my bow and arrow gone. Staring back at us through the doorway was someone familiar yet so strange, causing the hair at the back of my neck to stand on end.

It was my younger sister. Although not the aged one I had become used to encountering. This was a young girl in her mid teens. She was dressed in the traditional style of a miko but the look on her countenance was less than impressive. Kaede blocked Inu Yasha's advance, withdrawing a bow from her back to aid her. He sprawled backwards; however it was easy to see that she was not using her full spiritual powers.

"You should really learn to control your husband sister…" Kaede said sitting on the floor opposite me. "Next time I won't go easy on him."

Inu Yasha and I exchanged a quick glance, shock permeating the room. My sister continued with her lecture unmoved by our malcontent.

"Three years and you still can't control him! At least the jewel's over with. I guess you were good for something other than wrecking Kikyo's life." She scowled at Inu Yasha who reciprocated the gesture. With every passing moment he was moving closer to my side. "Anyway that brings me to the purpose of my visit. I've finally made my peace with your choice. Sorry it took me so long to come to grips with my senses."

The scene was just too much for me. Forcing my legs to stand, I stumbled outside, unceremoniously gliding past Kaede who was spouting some nonsense about a child I must have know in the past. I pushed aside the curtain and gazed at the landscape. The shack was situated on a grassy hill that banked an escarpment, the same one which the hanyou and I sat on fifty years ago. Birds chirped in the summer sun and wind combed through the leaves, freeing some to dance in the cloudless sky. Long grass brushed against me compelled by the wind. A sudden urge to look down at my hands enveloped me, my mind laughed at the impulse. All I would find was the same dead things I viewed every other time, I reasoned. I looked anyway and the vision caused me to sink to my knees once more. Inu Yasha, who had followed my suit outside, lifted me back into a standing position, turning me to face him.

"Kikyo what's wrong?" He demanded his eyes frantically scanning for any present danger. I smiled and reached up to touch his cheek. The yellow eyes widened and he grabbed my hand to test what we both felt. I was warm. My skin while still retaining my natural pallor was no longer deathlike. Blood circulated through my veins. I possessed muscles and sinew. I was no longer clay.

At the same time, Inu Yasha's body was changing as well. His eyes darkened to a deep black, as did his hair. The ears that marked him distinctly as a non-human vanished and were replaced with normal ones. Claws receded as well leaving plain fingernails. Only a human now, it was as we planned fifty years ago. The jewel had striped the hanyou of any demon in him, all that was left being the man.

We must have stood like that gazing at each other for an eternity. The long period of speculation ended with Inu Yasha pressing me close. I lifted my head to look into his eyes. He lowered his mouth onto mine in a simple sweet kiss that left me with the feeling of pure mutual love. All my doubts and fears over his feelings and fidelity vanished in an instant. This time it I wasn't making an attempt at intimacy and coming up empty. He was doing this of his own volition, he wanted to get closer. I was more than a liability.

Tugging on my pant leg distracted me. I broke the kiss and turned to discern just what demanded my attention. It was a child no more than 2 years old. A little boy with big brown eyes and a shaggy bob of black hair stared back at me. His jaw though underdeveloped took on a familiar curve. Continuing to pull at the cloth, he made sure that I'd noticed him.

I could tell that this little one was of an excitable nature. Feet tracing circles in the grass like most children in a pleading mood, he displayed a fragile and timid personality. At the same time however there was some inkling of a spiritual presence emanating from him. If this was tapped he could be a man of great power in later life.

"Mama, are you gonna come gather plants like you promised." His voice reverberated through my head like a bell. My hesitation just caused the child to increase his pleading, "But you promised." He finally seemed to notice Inu Yasha and his face lit up.

"Daddy!" the boy shouted jumping up at the man. He had to let go of me temporarily in order to catch the boy. "You came back! Did you kill any demons? Tell me a story!" He wrapped his pudgy little arms around Inu Yasha's neck. The former hanyou seemed to be appalled at this creature at first but as the child shifted to put his head on father's shoulder, his expression softened. I ran my fingers through the boy's hair. The pure happiness of the instant engulfed me. This was everything I ever wanted. I was with the man I loved, I had my own family, I had fifty years back…and I had my life back.

But of course, I knew it was too good to last…

The wind picked up again. The Gentle rustling of leaves becoming like a fierce growl of warning. The sky began to darken. Inu Yasha set the boy carefully on the ground. Before I could say a word he drew me close to him once more. The boy in turn clung to my legs, but his grip slowly loosened then disappeared all together.

Out of the bleeding black sky emerged the figure of Naraku still in disguise. He was a few feet away from us but his voice sounded like it was pounding inside my brain.

"This is what I could give you." Naraku's tone was his usual low rasping one, "Everything you want, no? You'd have to be fools to refuse."

"What's this gonna cost us?" Inu Yasha barked.

"I want the two of you to stay in this world, never to meddle in my affairs again."

"If we agree then…you'll just undo fifty years?"

"In a manner of speaking…"

I gazed into Inu Yasha's face, expecting to see the usual anger followed by a rapid refusal. After all Naraku was his supreme nemesis, not exactly the one the hanyou would make bargains with. I was taken aback by the expression my eyes took in. A bead of nervous sweat trickled down the side of his face, his features twitching in anticipation and hard thought. _He was actually considering this._

It was unbelievable that he would give up all commitments he had to reality so simply, but I can't say I didn't consider the offer for a split second. Bordering on tears, I answered Naraku for the both of us.

"We can't do this." Inu Yasha gazed at me in utter sadness, he was trying to contain his emotion as well, I continued, "No matter how much we want to go back and fix our mistakes we can't just leave behind everything. Besides why would I trust the person who took this very life away from me? Well this fantasy world is no substitute for the real one. You can take your lies and leave us!"

I could feel the wetness of tears sliding down my cheeks. Naraku laughed, and it rang through the air. It seemed to echo off the trees and even off the grass. He finally ceased in order to give us his usual farewell,

"You're pitiful fools. It's a shame you won't accept such generosity. Well I suppose for general good will, I'll call today encounter a draw, but be sure I'll never make another bargain with you."

With those words, he faded as quickly as he had appeared, taking with him the hill, the shack, my sister, and my son. Inu Yasha's hair lightened, as did his eyes revealing the hanyou that was his reality. Pain began to concentrate itself in my heart, moving to my shoulder. Blades seared into my arm, blood poured out as it had done ages before. A chill overtook me to the marrow, a cold so intense that it actually hurt as well as amplified my pulsating mortal injury. I dug my hands into Inu Yasha's arms, almost whimpering with the pain I was in. He stood there and silently took the abuse, only whispering my name attempting to soothe me. Gradually the throb lessened and the icy grip left and there I was, dead. Animated clay. Nothing more, nothing less.

Wrenching myself from Inu Yasha, I was angry and upset. The tetsusaiga along with my bow and arrows lay on the ground below us. Hurriedly picking up my belongings, I walked past the hanyou and continued down the path. The forest's normalcy had returned along with all the barriers that stood between Inu Yasha and I. The fifty years, the other me, the shikon jewel, all had been carefully put back in their respective places in time. I couldn't look behind me; I couldn't chance seeing his countenance, fearing the lost of any composure I had. I was supposed to be cold and dead like our life together. The only possibility that lay before us was a peaceful death but that had to wait until Naraku was dispatched and the multiple problems of the world passed over. He was mine in the realm of the afterlife but that wasn't now. There was an urge to run to him, but I couldn't give in, I had dignity and he had an impostor to bid his time with.

I was swimming in these thoughts when I realized that my footsteps weren't the only ones treading the path. Turning, I saw him. He must have followed me for at least 20 minutes. Inu Yasha stopped when I did and just gazed at me almost coldly, he had left a distance between us of at least a couple horses' length.

"Why are _you_ still here? Shouldn't you be with your own menagerie?" I demanded, adopting an annoyed tone of voice.

For a few long moments, all he did was stare. The silence was agonizing.

"I can't leave you. I love you."

"You didn't know that before?" I sneered.

"Even if it was just an illusion…"he began to close off the distance between us, "…it made me realize something." He was close enough now, Inu Yasha bowed his head so that his bangs brushed my forehead, "I've missed you for too long. You've been right in front of me and I've been too stupid to know that I can't be happy without you. I only want to be with you. Fifty years don't anything, Kikyo." He pressed my hand in his.

Smiling gently, I whispered my response slowly, "I love you, Inu Yasha." Those words felt thick and impossible on my tongue. I had wanted to utter them for so long but the net of circumstance had caught them in my throat. Now they flew unabated.

We stood in that forest for an eternity. Eventually we began to move down the path. Side-by-side the two of us treaded, hands locked tightly. Our shadows slowly melded with each other as the sun set painting the sky. I was no longer weighted with the regrets of the past. It seemed that the events that played out half a century previously were only a real illusion. A nightmare that unfortunately turned out to be more than a tale of the unconscious, that's all they really were. They couldn't hurt me anymore, as I stepped over the psychological, emotional, and physical ties that once imprisoned me. Inu Yasha was right behind me, as he would be forever more.

**The End**

**Authors' Notes**: YAY! The end of my second fic! I must say that this was more daunting than my other one….probably cause I never really had a very intricate plan. SEE THIS PAIRING IS RIGHT!NO KAGOME STUPID SWEETNESS! Don't leave me flames about this bashing Kagome because that was intentional. READ MY OTHER FIC! AND LOOK FOR MORE STUFF FROM ME IN THE FUTURE!

THANKS FOR READING!

Hitokiri Hitensai

**P.S.** Again I apologize for the lack of lemon…but I'm lazy and the story was pretty without it…if you want cheap oneshots check out aff…BUT DO NOT READ THE IYxKIKYO ONE! IT SUCKS! I WARN THEE!

Okay I'm done…SEE YA!


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